| Friday, July 9th, 2004 |
| 7:55 am |
Turned into somebody else I guess......
I don't know what the hell is up with me. But now I'm starting to see what everybody else be sayin they see. I've really changed. I haven't changed the way I act towards some people, I don't mean like that. But since I was younger my attitude has changed totally. But I look at things a different way now...maybe that's what it is. As I a lil older I started seeing things different. Who knows, I gotta tighten up though. I'm goin way too far down the wrong road, I just hope it ain't too late to turn around. Old people are callin my mamma up tellin her I've turned into a lil thug. Tellin her that I got they kids doin bad stuff, like they damn kids ain't got a brain of there own. I always said I wasn't a thug and I didn't want anybody lookin at me like I was a thug. I don't wanna be a thug...I don't try to be a thug, where the hell do they get all this from. It must just be the way I look or something. Guess I gotta change everything about myself. Anyway, I'm glad I ain't got that much longer around here. I'm on my way out! I hope nobody else makes the dumb ass choices like I did, and watch what kind of friends you keep....whatever kind of person they are you will be considered that kind of person too. Whatever they do....people will think you do it too....hahahahahahaha. |
| Wednesday, July 7th, 2004 |
| 8:55 pm |
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| Friday, June 18th, 2004 |
| 3:30 pm |
none
I'm laughin at you rookies, if you don't know all of what's going on....hold your tounge. I made some mistakes, but who doesn't? Hopefully I can be forgiven and understood, if not there's nothing that I can do about it. Lost a couple of good friends since I been out of school, hopefully they'll come around and stop seeing me as a dogg ass nigga. Although I do act like one sometimes. When your heart is telling you to do one thing and your mind is telling you something different, which one do you listen to? P.S.- I apologize, I'm here if you need me, if not....then go head. (you know who you are) |
| Thursday, June 17th, 2004 |
| 9:57 am |
They don't understand, but neither do I
Alot of people are mad at me now. Alot of people want something bad to happen to me, want me to be hurt, just so they can feel better.Well I been hurting for years, going through shit for years...and I got alot more to go through, but if those few people wanna make my road harder than what it already is....have fun, and do your best. I know what I have to do and what I am supposed to be doing, so fuck the rest. To the people that I hurt, apologies ain't gone change nuthin but I am sorry. Some people shouldn't be hurt though because they really don't have a reason. They knew the way the situation was from the jump and they never had any problems before....but now its such a big thing. I don't know what to say.....only god can judge me, if he decides to make something bad happen then, oh well. Things can always get worse....but they very seldom get better. |
| Wednesday, April 28th, 2004 |
| 1:28 pm |
Didn't Know
I didn't know that girls lied about who they have and hadn't had sex with just as much as boys do. I figured girls told the truth about that if they didn't tell the truth about anything else. If you've lied to your friend/man about when, who, or where you been fuckin....its best that you tell him. I had to watch a couple of my friends today break up because that hoe lied about the amount of niggaz that she had fucked in the past. My nigga said he read that when you have sex with somebody its like having sex with everybody that they have had sex with for the past 10 years. That's a long ass time! When he told me that....it made me wanna stop having sex all together. He dumped her real quick and I know y'all don't want that happening to y'all. Just some advice to those who are sexually active. I'ma Holla |
| 5:08 am |
I'm trying to kill some time here, I woke up too early.
I love my mamma......I really do. But she scares me way too much. She says the worse things to me somtimes. I don't mean saying mean/hurtful things to me, I mean saying things that make you think way too hard. Things that make you think so hard they scare you! And you always wonder in the back of your mind....does she know what she is talkin about, or is she just talkin. Most of the time she is right...but there have been times when she was just talkin though. After talkin to her last night I started thinking about alot more things. I'm just as scared as Toya....probably over different things though. Can y'all believe it....I think I'm growing up. Y'all pray for me and my mama. I'ma holla at y'all later. Current Mood:  loved |
| 5:02 am |
Another Night
Another night of no sleep. This shit is starting to really get old. I woke up at 3:30 this morning. And I always wake up thinking about the same things in the same order. Maybe I need to get some medicine from the doctor or something so I can sleep. I talked to my mamma about it and she said that its probably just stress or me worrying my nerves about something too much. And I know she's right but I just can't stop worrying about some things. Lately its been feeling like something ain't right around here. I haven't been able to figure it out yet, but when I do I'm sure that I'll be able to sleep better. That along with the other things that are going on right now.....I ain't gone ever get any sleep! If one of y'all can think of a way to get me to stay sleep, holla at me....I'm open to all suggestions....except smoking weed. Current Mood: awake |
| Thursday, April 22nd, 2004 |
| 1:50 pm |
Praying
Lord, please for give me for all the wrong that I've done in the past and am about to do in the future. I know that its probably too late now for me, so just take care of my family. Watch out for the ones that love you. Forgive the ones that don't know any better. And teach the ones that want to learn. Lord, watch over these young girls out here in this world...they have no idea what these niggaz are capable of. Forgive me for all the wrongs I have done towards people that cared about me. I see that once you are the only one that cares about you....its hard. In the name of your son I pray....Amen |
| 1:44 pm |
Why?
Why is it so easy to make a mistake but so hard to fix it? Why is it so easy for people to talk about you behind your back but so hard to say it to ya face? Why is it so easy for niggaz to piss females off but so hard to make back up with them? Why is it so easy to run from your problems but so hard to face them? Why is it so easy to beat somebody ass for makin you mad...but so hard to be the bigger person and walk away? I got this from one of them e-mail's somebody sent me....well not the words exactly but it was somethin like what I just wrote. Current Mood: disappointed in myself |
| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004 |
| 4:15 pm |
Parental Advisory - Rated R
Yea its gettin that time...that time where the senior class starts getting smaller and smaller. But I don't know when ours is gone stop shrinking. I ain't gone be in that amount that doesn't make it...I know that for sure. But I am gone end up messin up a scholarship, or some money for college if I don't get my grades better than what they are. But, I'm tired of school. I been doin this shit way too long. I need break but I know I ain't about to have one no time soon. This is when life starts gettin real, when you graduate, shit starts changing a whole lot. At least that's what I was told. Well I have seen it for my own eyes too though. From watching my brother I guess. Graduation night is gone be some shit too! That's gone be the longest night of my life....if god lets me live long enough to see it. I know I'm going to college somewhere too, as long as I keep my grades decent this last 9wks...I got a full tuition scholarship to Jackson State, and enough financial aid to go to USM and get a lil bit of money back. I don't know which one I want to go to now. I don't even know what I wanna go to school for. That's a damn shame....I've had 13 years to decide what I wanted to be and I haven't made up my mind on one thing yet. I got some homework to go do.....if you have read all the way to this point that means you are one of the following: A) Bored as hell with nuthin else to do B) Really interested in what Tuk was talkin about C) Was interested but now I wish I wouldn't have read this shit D) Just tryin to be nosy and see what I could find out about you in this journal. Leave a comment and tell which one of these you are.....I'ma holla Current Mood: hopeful |
| Monday, April 19th, 2004 |
| 6:56 pm |
A HIGH MIND THINKS ABOUT:
1. This is some good weed 2. Damn I'm high 3. Umm.....damn I forgot what I was about to type 4. still can't remember 5. Damn I'm high 6. I wonder why water be drippin? 7. This song tite. (No matter whats playin) 8. I been sitting here so long, doing nuthin, why isn't the car moving? (He ain't pressing the gas) 9. Damn, I'm High 10. Why are the police pulling me over? 11. Why did he put these cuffs on so tight....? 12. Why is this big dude looking at me so hard? 13. Why did I smoke that shit? |
| 6:38 pm |
A THOWED MIND THINKS ABOUT:
1) If she was a hoe before you hooked up with her, why should she change after y'all hooked up? 2) If I was hitting her before y'all hooked up, why should I have to stop just cause you fall in love with her? 3) If The Grinch stole christmas and got caught, how many years did he get?, Which prison is he in?, and who the hell tryin to make The Grinch drop the soap? 4) If slavery days were still going....would I be a field nigga or a runaway? 5) To all mouthy ho's- you have 2 ears and 1 mouth you should listen twice as much as you talk! 6) If yo mamma like what she's reading tell her to call me...no stepmamma's allowed! |
| 6:38 pm |
A THOWED MIND THINKS ABOUT:
1) If she was a hoe before you hooked up with her, why should she change after y'all hooked up? 2) If I was hitting her before y'all hooked up, why should I have to stop just cause you fall in love with her? 3) If The Grinch stole christmas and got caught, how many years did he get?, Which prison is he in?, and who the hell tryin to make The Grinch drop the soap? 4) If slavery days were still going....would I be a field nigga or a runaway? 5) To all mouthy ho's- you have 2 ears and 1 mouth you should listen teice as much as you talk! 6) If yo mamma like what she's reading tell her to call me...no stepmamma's allowed! |
| 6:36 pm |
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| 6:29 pm |
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| 6:25 pm |
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| Sunday, April 18th, 2004 |
| 10:29 pm |
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| 9:34 pm |
Mary Jane- I was watching something on T.V. about this and just started writing....I'm bored!
Everybody has a problem with weed smokers. But how many weed smokers do you know that has a problem with everybody? I don't know of too many so I know y'all don't either. I have never heard of anybody OverDosing from weed either. So does that mean its a safe drug or not? It comes from the earth so does that mean god put it here on purpose for us to smoke? What gives man the powed to make something god put on the earth illegal? Is it addictive....hell yeah. But most of the people that are addicted to it won't admit it. Does it slow you down....hell yeah, but most of the people that smoke weed want to be moving in slow motions for a lil while. That's the point of smoking for some niggaz. Some people smoke cause they are going through alot of shit and they just need someway to relax and chill and forget about their problems for a few min. maybe even hours if its some real good weed. The bottom line is....."If refer really makes you happy, then blaze it." But personally, that stuff ain't for me Current Mood:  irritated |
| 9:01 pm |
I dont even know
I have abosolutely nothing to write about. These girls I go to school with put a gun to my head and made me write this. Right this minute there are 3 high school girls standing over me with assault rifles and pistols. I'm very scared..I think they are going to kill me. I heard one of them talking about tying me up to a chair and raping me. I'm not sure whether this would be a bad thing or a good thing, but I'm scared. If anybody reads this and you know the number to the McComb Police Department call them and tell them something very bad is happening on Witterman St. tonight. Help!!!!!! |
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